Major Minor was from old British stock. His Victorian family, aware of his mediocrity from a young age, chose to keep him out of the family business and placed him in the military. There his lack of imagination and ability to follow orders enabled him to rise precipitously through the ranks. And as a worthy officer of Her Majesty's army, he was fully or partially responsible for virtually every British defeat in Africa in the last half of the 19th century.

 

But the Major was a gentleman through and through, even to the point of interrupting a battle at 4.00 oclock sharp for tea. One day during a difficult battle, a wandering lion devoured one of the Major's best scouts. "Egads" said the Major. "Dastardly" agreed his First in Command.  "Frightfully un-British chimed in his Lieutenant.  "That scout must be avenged, but after tea of course. Meanwhile please pass the crumpets."

 

Now the Major, who was like all British, a true sportsman, set out with a small search party to find the lion, but determined nonetheless to give the lion a sporting chance. The bloodhounds soon located the lion's scent and the Major and party followed in close pursuit. The lion indeed when cornered was, as expected, frightfully un-British, and roared and hissed in a most undignified fashion. The Major, then, fearlessly attacked the beast with his pen, having heard somewhere "the pen was mightier than the sword." The lion was so astonished, it fell on its back rolling in mirth, choked and died laughing.

 

"By Jove, Lady Gwendolyn would have been so proud," mused the Major as he brushed the dirt from his coat. But his joy was to be short-lived. Upon returning to camp, a deputy of Her Majesty's Guard arrested him for gross mismanagement of troops and materials, and most egregiously, serving milked-down American tea.

 

The court marshall made  the front pages. All society was scandalized. The Major was shocked. "I'm shocked," he told reporters.

 

Months later in prison, the Major, in vain attempting to cut his way out with an old pocket knife, was reminded again, "The pen was mightier than the sword."